Blockbuster is like a magical wonderland for the kind of people who have terrible body odor; the people who sit in their dark, dank house for hours on end, playing games and watching movies.  There is no time for showers in this lifestyle.  Sometimes these people even manage to get jobs at Blockbuster.  I am fortunate enough not to have one working in my store right now, but it is sometimes hard to weed them out, because they usually take their weekly shower right before interviewing for a job.

 

I listened to one customer interaction at the register last week that went like this:

 

[The customer is a pasty white guy wearing black jeans with a chain wallet, a black t-shirt, and a black leather vest.  He has long curly hair and looks like any member of Metallica circa 1988.]

 

Employee:  Did you find everything alright?

Customer:  Yes I did, but I smell really bad right now!

Employee:  That’s alright, I can’t smell you.

Customer:  That’s because I am wearing a t-shirt.  If I was wearing a tank top, you would know how bad I smell and tell me to get out of here.

Employee:  Okay!  Have a nice day!

 

The customer is not unwittingly foul.  He knows that he smells awful, and he thinks that it is acceptable.

 

There is another customer, about 70 years old, who comes into the store three times per day1.  He is always wearing the same clothes.  This is not an exaggeration.  He literally has one shirt, one pair of pants, one pair of shoes, and, presumably, one pair of underwear.  I cannot accurately put into words what he smells like.  Imagine the way dirty hair smells after you have been camping for several days.  Now multiply that by 100.  It is an earthy, acrid smell.  I often smell him before I see him.  The odor gets into the air conditioning intake and permeates the store.  And if I ever have to check him out, I hold my breath as long as possible.

 

I like working at Blockbuster.  The customers are much friendlier than the ones I had to deal with at CVS.  But maybe Blockbuster should start a hygiene incentive program.  If I can’t handle your scent3 from across the counter, you should be charged an additional fee.

 

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

 

1)      3 is an average.  He sometimes comes in only twice, and I have seen him five times in a 9 hour shift on occasion.

2)      Customers who come into a pharmacy are never happy.  They either have an illness or a loved one who is ill.  They usually come straight from a doctor’s office where they had to wait to be seen, and now you have to tell them that they will be waiting another 15 minutes before they can pay you an outrageous amount of money to take 30 pills home.

3)      Perfume included.  There are some disgusting stripper scents that have become very popular lately.  Dolce & Gabbana is packaging pancake syrup as a fragrance for women.