Today is Canada Day, eh!  To help our northern neighbors celebrate their sovereignty, I’ve chosen a few trivial tidbits to share with you aboot those crazy Canadians.

1. Canada Day celebrates the events of July 1, 1867, when the British North America Act of 1867 unified all of the Canadian provinces under one government.  It’s not like Independence Day in the United States. It’s more like if we celebrated the signing of our Constitution.  In fact, Canadians have renamed the BNA Act to the Constitution Act, 1867.

2. Canada has the second largest land mass in the world.  However, only 33 million people live in Canada, making for the fourth lowest population density in the world.

3. Canadians believe that Santa Claus is from Canada.  Silly Canadians.

4. The United States has invaded Canada twice.  In 1775 and 1812.

5. Canada’s national sport is… lacrosse.

6. Canadians invented the zipper, telephone, electron microscope, Wonderbra,  basketball and Trivial Pursuit.

7. The Canadian flag with the red maple leaf was adopted in 1965.  Before that time, Canada flew the Union Flag (the same one that Great Britain flies).

8. “O, Canada” was already 100 years old when it officially became Canada’s national anthem on July 1, 1980.

O, Canada, we stand on gaurd for thee!

Vaya con Dios, Amigos.
The Judge

Apparently, I needed about a month off from blogging.  I just can’t be hassled with anything resembling an original thought lately.  I may or may not write more regularly in the near future.

In the mean time, here is a nonpartisan advertisement to promote voter registration…

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

Mel just left for Siloam Springs, Arkansas.  I will be leaving with her students on Sunday for a one week mission trip there.  I expect it to be an awesome experience, and I may write a few blogs from there.

I made a mixtape (which is cooler than saying “playlist) for the trip.  It goes like this:

1)      “For Those About To Rock” – AC/DC

2)      “Bohemian Rhapsody” – Queen

3)      “Wanted Dead Or Alive” – Bon Jovi

4)      “Young Folks” – Peter Bjorn and John

5)      “Roxanne” – The Police

6)      “Don’t Stop Believin’” – Journey

7)      “Simple Man” – Lynyrd Skynyrd

8)      “Sweet Emotion” – Aerosmith

9)      “Blinded By The Light” – Manfred Mann

10)  “Have A Cigar” – Pink Floyd

11)  “The Joker” – Steve Miller Band

12)  “Possum Kingdom” – The Toadies

13)  “Last Dance With Mary Jane” – Tom Petty

14)  “Stairway To Heaven” – Led Zeppelin

15)  “All These Things That I’ve Done” – The Killers

That’s all I have to say about that.

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

If I had $50 million (after tax) in lottery winnings or an unexpected windfall, these are a few of the things that I would do with the dough:

1)      Donate $5 million to my church and $5 million to other charities.  I would spend some serious effort deciding how to most effectively do this, because donating millions of dollars to a church can be very unhealthy for the church.

2)      Give $10 million to my friends.  This would be distributed according to my estimate of each friend’s net worth over the next 10 years.  For instance, a friend who wants to pursue social work or has a child will receive more money than a friend who owns a house and will potentially be a millionaire within a decade.

3)      Corrective eye surgery.  Is it still called surgery?  I want 20/20 vision for my wife and myself.  I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to wake up and be able to clearly see everything around me before I even leave my bed.

4)      Texas Rangers season tickets.  Make that 8 of them, because I don’t want to pick just 2-3 friends to go with me on any given day.

5)      Start a not-for-profit business.  I have a ministry in mind, but it’s not something that I can reasonably expect to ever realize, unless I come across some serious cash.

6)      Travel.  First, a hiking trip to Hawaii.

7)      Buy a house.  I want a reasonable house that I will be able to afford the taxes on.  For some reason, nobody ever thinks about that when they are suddenly wealthy.

8)      Have children.  It is no secret that I want children.  It would be a much easier decision if I knew that I could afford to raise them comfortably.

This is just a short list of my priorities.  I would also save and budget and be the most boring lottery winner or heir to ever see $50 million.

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

This week has seen only slight changes in my facial hair.

• The hair has gotten long enough that it doesn’t itch much anymore.
• A sunburn made me look like a homeless person.
• A few friends have encouraged me to continue growing the beard.
• I’ve noticed that some of these friends also have very unimpressive hair-growth ability.
• The end of week four will be the first day of a week-long mission trip that I am participating in.  Therefore, I will continue through week five before I make a decision regarding the fate of my follicles.

Here is some beard trivia for you:  The gentleman in the picture above is Ambrose Burnside.  He was a Union Army general during the U.S. Civil War.  The unique pattern that he chose for his facial hair is almost the exact opposite of the hair that grows on my face.  The term “sideburn” comes from his crazy chops.

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

I have baby fever.  I want to have a baby, bad.  Mel and I aren’t ready yet.  We just got married three months ago and we still have stuff that we want to do before we have children.  But every time I see a baby or small child do something cute, or even slightly amusing, I swoon like a schoolgirl watching Zac Efron.  Last night at the Rangers game I saw a cute baby and got an idea.  When I see a cute baby that makes me want to have children, I will try to take a picture with my phone.  Then I will assign the baby a rating on a scale of 1-10, where 10 is the cutest baby that I have ever seen or can reasonably expect to ever see again.

On to my first baby rating…

Kyle and I were at the Texas Rangers game last night.  Directly in front of us sat a young couple with a baby.  In my estimation (which is usually wrong), the baby was a 12 month old boy.  He was constantly smiling and laughing.  He made a special connection with the beer guy.  Every time the beer guy came by our section, the baby waved his arms and made loud, excited noises.  I think the baby wanted a beer.  Here is a picture of the baby:

Here is my rating of the baby:

Cuteness: 6

Awesomeness: 8 (for being generally well-behaved, happy, and wanting a beer)

Overall: 7

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

Last Wednesday, my friend Tett asked me to tell him three things about Sea Monkeys.  I could not offer any solid facts, so I hunkered down for some research time.  I won’t be caught off-guard the next time that somebody asks me about Sea Monkeys.  Here are a few tidbits for you:

1)      Sea Monkeys are actually brine shrimp.  More specifically, they are Artemia salina x nyos, an interspecific hybrid between salina and an indeterminate species of Artemia, created by New York Science Laboratories (hence the nyos).

2)      Sea Monkeys are shipped in their cryptobiotic state (like hibernation, inside an egg-like cyst), which gives them a long shelf-life as long as they are kept dry.

3)      When added to saltwater, the brine shrimp hatch from their cysts.

4)      Sea Monkeys grow to between ½” and ¾” long, which is larger than most brine shrimp.

5)      Sea Monkeys were first marketed in 1957 by Harold von Braunhut, and were given their current name in 1962.

6)      Sea Monkeys are packaged in boxes which are covered with illustrations of human-like creatures that wear clothes and play games.  Sea Monkeys don’t actually wear clothes or play games.  They just float about and eat algae.

7)      Harold von Braunhut also created and marketed other products, including X-Ray Specs and Invisible Goldfish (which were guaranteed to remain invisible forever).

8)      Harold von Braunhut was a known supporter of the Aryan Nations, and even purchased weapons for an Ohio branch of the Ku Klux Klan.  Oh yeah, and van Braunhut was born a Jew.

To summarize, if you purchased Incredible Sea-Monkeys at any time before the mid-90’s, you were indirectly supporting hate-groups, and all you got out of it was a jar full of crappy little brine shrimp.

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

My quest for a beard continues.  This week my facial hair is visible, if not impressive.  I would liken it to the playoff beard of one Daniel Brière, of the Philadelphia Flyers.  Here is a photo for comparison.

Please keep in mind that he had been growing his sad beard for several weeks when this photo was taken, and I am only using the photo to demonstrate the pattern of the facial hair.  It is as if the hair is afraid of the face itself and will only populate the outskirts and under-chin areas.

In my search for a photo of Brière, I found an interesting website.  Check out playoffbeard.com for news about playoff hockey in the NHL.  Fans of the Dallas Stars should bookmark this site for use next April.

Stay tuned for more updates on my disgusting beard.

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

This is my first baseball blog.  I was planning to wait until the All-Star break to talk about the Texas Rangers.  I will still write that blog, which will discuss my pre-season predictions and how they are coming along.  But I want to write a little about the last month.  The Rangers started the season with a 5-4 record in their first 9 games, but fell to 9-18 by the end of April.

Then there was May…

It might seem silly to be excited about my team being one game over .500 and half of a game out of second place in their division.  But if you think that’s silly, you are not a Rangers fan.

Here are some fun facts about the Texas Rangers this May:

• The Rangers’ record in May was 19-10.  The last time they won 19 games in a month was June 1983.
• The Rangers hit .289, and .307 with runners in scoring position.
• The Rangers pitching staff had a collective ERA of 3.90.  It’s the second time in 12 seasons that they have had a sub-4.00 ERA month.
• In the last two games in May (both wins against the Oakland Athletics), the Rangers did not walk a single batter.  The Rangers have only done that in consecutive games three times in the last seven years.
• Michael Young is taking a 16-game hitting streak into June.  Ian Kinsler is riding a 15-game hitting streak.  Those are the two longest active hitting streaks in the American League.
• Ian Kinsler has stolen 15 bases without being caught.
• Frank Catalanotto (who I may have given a vulgar nickname to based on his performance in April) has 13 hits in his last 28 at-bats.
• Josh Hamilton has 61 RBI for the season, leading all of baseball.  The next highest RBI total is Chase Utley with 49.  Hamilton also leads the American league in hits (75), home runs (14), and slugging percentage (.604).  Those stats make Josh Hamilton the second most-valuable player in fantasy baseball after Lance Berkman.
• The Rangers are tied with the Yankees… that’s just fun to say.

Keep supporting your Texas Rangers in June.

Vaya con Dios, amigos.

The Judge

There is an intriguing article in the June issue of Esquire by John H. Richardson, who spent a week with John Yoo.  Yoo is the author of the Torture Memos, which were signed by John Ashcroft while he was still working for the Bush administration.  The documents are very controversial, and some people want Yoo to be tried as a war criminal.